Kids’ Doc in Jos

(by Barb)

She was six months old but I met her only the day before yesterday. Saralynn and I found her in the female ward, isolation bed 2, lying on the bed of her sick mother.

Nmembe had been on admission with diarrhea, vomiting, malnutrition and failure to thrive. But when her mom needed to be hospitalized, Nmembe couldn’t stay in the pediatric ward as there was no longer anyone to feed her and care for her.

My taking Nmembe home to care for her was seen as a ray of hope for her mom. Now I feel like a failure, like I let the mom down and Susan too, the HIV nurse who has been a good, caring friend to Nmembe and her HIV-infected mom.

Nmembe didn’t make it through the night, her second night with us. Mike tried to resuscitate her to no avail. She was gone, her eyes still open, dark and sunk deep in her tiny face.

Yesterday morning, I took Nmembe with me in the car to drop off Luke at school and go visit my friend Young Boon. Luke wanted to show his new teacher his baby, but we were running late and Mrs. Maguire never got to see Nmembe.

Young Boon will never forget our visit. She was touched by Nmembe’s story and it was painful for her to hear the high-pitched shrieks and not respond by letting her drink all she wanted for fear of her vomiting it all up.

After lunch, we packed Nmembe in the stroller and went to visit Mom in the female ward. They both seemed happy to see each other. I didn’t know then it would be their last visit. As we left, I promised to return for another visit today.

On the way home, I tried in three shops to buy mini Pampers. No one had any. At 7:00, Mike tried to give her oral antiretroviral drugs, but she vomited everything up. So I cleaned her up and put her to bed. She never woke up.

See Susan Bertrand’s and Saralynn’s blog entries about Nmembe

Barb with baby David the night before he was adopted

Last week we said good-by to Baby David and handed him over to his new adoptive parents, an Igbo family that lives two hours south of Jos. Seven of us packed into the Pro-Life Evangel office for the ceremony. All except the new mom were invited to make a speech.

The chaplain’s challenge to the new parents was to not expose David to anything that would send him to hell. The hospital administsrator said he had never been to a ceremony like this before, and he proceeded to tell the story of Dr. Blyth’s saving his boy’s life as a child in 1991.

The advice of the matron (head nurse) was to not let relatives and neighbors tell David that he is not their real son. The new dad said something about how happy he is to have a son, and that God knows his (the dad’s) heart. My own brief contribution was to say that David was a very special boy whom our family is sad to see leave us, and that the parents should please enjoy him as the delight he is.

Baby David had just turned two months old, and I really do miss him, his sweetness, so new fresh, and unaffected. He weighed 2.9 kg when we got him the day he was born, July 31. By the time we handed him to his new parents, he weighed at least 3.8 kg and his face had filled out so that we could see the dimple in his left cheek that hadn’t been there before. His hair had grown into a soft, fluffy afro, and he just kept on getting cuter and cuter.

I’ll probably have to wait now until after Sara’s wedding before I agree to care for another newborn from the crisis pregnancy center. Mike is somewhat less enthusiastic about the night feedings and related added stresss, but he helps me a lot and is very tenderhearted when it comes to babies and children.

“Do you remember me,” the nurse asked? A dreaded question, which I usually have to answer ‘no.’

“I’m Mrs. Grace Inuwa.” The wheels in my aging head are churning but still no memory flash appears. “I’m the mother of baby Hannah.”

Finally the light dawns–Hannah was “our baby” for three months in 1999, between her birth and her adoption (see Hannah Arrives). And this is the mother who, with her pastor husband, adopted her. At the time, they lived far away in Adamawa state and we had not seen Hannah since then. Now here Mrs. Inuwa was dressed in a nurse’s uniform in the pediatric clinic!

Last night we had them over for dinner. Luke and Hannah are the same age. Seven years ago, when Hannah was adopted, her new parents were in a rural area, her dad pastoring a church. Her mother was a seamstress. Now her father is pastoring a larger church in the state capital, as well as holding a position in the ECWA denomination’s district headquarters. Her mom is studying to be a community health worker at the ECWA School of Health Technology in Kagoro.

Over dinner, the Inuwa’s told us of their vision for a discipleship ministry. They have seen many churches filled with people who live as unbelievers, often with little guidance and shepherding from their church leaders. They have also seen how extreme poverty makes it harder for Christians and churches to live the lives they should. We encouraged them to pursue that vision, noting that both SIM and ECWA have put discipleship in their top priorities in their recently-developed strategic plan.

Hanna is doing very well and is in first grade. Since her mother’s training involves short assignments in different institutions around the country, Hanna will probably remain in Jos with relatives until her mom finishes her two-year program.

So our evening was doubly encouraging. Seeing Hannah, a bright, pretty little girl, affirmed us in our ministry of foster care. Also, it is so heartening to get to know a family with a vision … a couple who could be using their position and resources to “move ahead in life,” but instead are committed to strengthening and encouraging believers in the more remote and neglected regions of Nigeria.

Written 19 June 2006

It was Monday, about 10 PM, when Justina called from the hospital. Justina is a hospital chaplain and the crisis pregnancy center coordinator. “I have a Pro-Life woman in labor. Can you take the baby?”

I wanted to take the baby and foster it until it was adopted, but Mike said no, not now when we have houseguests and visiting family members to feed and entertain.

I felt bad and somewhat responsible to find placement for this baby because all the other missionaries fostering Pro-Life babies have left Nigeria.

The last two I cared for went back to their families after counseling, time, and reconciliation. So I dared to ask God for this laboring mom to please so fall in love with her newborn that she would want to keep him and raise him, making foster care placement unnecessary.

Then, in the middle of the night, Mike got a call from the pediatric ward about a baby just born, small for gestational age (4 lb 6 oz), HIV positive mother, should he be admitted?

That’s it! Like a flash the solution came to mind. If the Pro-Life mom in question was HIV positive, her baby could be cared for by women of Mashiah Foundation.

A week or so ago Mashiah founder Bayo Oyebade told me he was actively advertising for unwanted HIV-affected babies to be cared for by the women in the Mashiah Foundation ministry, who are also living with HIV/AIDS. He told me he could immediately place six such babies.

Tuesday morning Sara Lynn returned from the hospital morning report before I left for my weekly grocery shopping. “We talked about the Pro-Life baby born prematurely last night,” she said, “the mom is HIV-postive.”

On my way out of the hospital compound, I stopped to tell chaplain Justina about God’s answer to my specific prayer for that baby, that she should contact Bayo and someone from Mashiah would care for this new baby. Justina seemed relieved and hopeful.

On Wednesday, Sara Lynn came home with a new sequel to the story. Mashiah had been contacted and had sent two ladies to collect the baby. They patiently waited a long time for the mom to come and pray for the baby before he left the hospital. When she finally arrived, she dropped a bombshell and revealed her decision to keep her baby!

It was a good lesson in faith for me. As good and noble as it is for me to foster newborn babies from crisis pregnancies and for Mashiah Foundation to care for unwanted babies born to HIV-infected women, God’s heart desire is that a mom fall head-over-heels in love with her baby, treasure him, cherish him, and commit to nurture him to adulthood. That is God’s plan and that is God’s best for every child.

photo from Bezer Home page, Mashiah Foundation website

Written Monday, June 5, 2006

Baby Tina is gone. I had about 24 hours notice, then a group of relatives came Sunday morning and took her. The plan was to take the early bus the next morning to Kogi State where a relative will care for Tina and free her mom to resume university studies.

So that’s it for us. Our job with Tina is over almost as quickly as it began. Tina was born on Tuesday, May 16, 2006 at 10 PM to Rachael who had been sheltered by Pro-Life Evangel Crisis Pregnancy Center since rejection by her family. This was “an abomination” to the family.

There was reconciliation in the family, so that’s a good thing. To some degree the estrangement has been healed and relationship restored. I can go along with that even though it meant saying bood-bye to Tina and probably never seeing her again. Healing will come.

It amazes me, as I look back, how rapidly we adjusted to Tina’s presence in our household and lives. We had even become accustomed to the routine of night feedings and other accomodations to her demands that frequently interrupted our schedules. It didn’t take us very long to get used to having Tina a part of our family.

I miss Tina, twelve hours old when I brought her home from the maternity ward and already encased in many layers of thick knitted clothing. Her sweat-matted hair and beads of perspiration on her forehead were enough indication that she was very overdressed.

I miss Tina. Shw was so soft and sweet and cuddly, so little and smooth with a broad, squashed nose and a crease across the bridge of her nose. Her hair was tiny, soft black curls. Her fingers were quite long and her eyes large, alert and bright. She is definitely a precious treasure, hand-crafted in God’s image and for his pleasure.

Baby Tina left us tonight. We only knew since yesterday that she was going back to her birth mother and family. The mother arrived yesterday afternoon at our house with a note from Justina telling us that there had been reconciliation in the family and they were now wanting the baby. There was also a letter from the mother’s father which she showed us. So we arranged this afternoon for Tina to go home.
At first we reacted against just returning Tina in this way, without more investigation and study, but then she had every legal right to the child in any case. After reading the letter, though, we were moved by the evidence of God’s work of grace. Even I, who had felt ambivalent about taking in another baby, had to be amazed to realize that the bit of time and love on the part of ProLife Evangel had made a world of difference in these lives, and maybe spared the life of little Tina.

In the letter, the girl’s father affirmed his lasting love for her, even though she had “made a mistake.” He told her he admired her courage for not aborting the baby and was glad that she had found a place that would take her in. He begged her forgiveness and asked several times for her please to come home, promising that everything would be alright, that the parents just longed to set eyes on their daughter and granddaughter.

So, tonight the mom came with Justina and some relations. Barb had put together quite a pack of clothes, blankets and baby-care things to go with Tina. I prayed a blessing over Tina and her family and we said goodbye. It’s never fun having to say goodbye to our little babies, but this time we were at peace over how it was happening.

Praise God for all his goodness.

Wednesday morning we got a wake-up call: a baby had been born Tuesday night, we could come and get her any time. Chaplain Justina of the crisis pregnancy program had talked with Barb the day before when it appeared the baby was coming soon, and Barb and I agreed that we would take the baby while it was waiting for adoption. Baby Tina is the thirteenth baby to arrive in this world with the help of the crisis pregnancy program at Evangel Hospital, called Pro-Life Evangel.

The program was started in November 2004 by Bill and Dorothy Ardill, after seeing many, many women coming to Evangel asking for abortions while we had little to offer besides some counseling. We were not doing abortions, but we did not have a lot to offer these women, either. Many were willing to have their babies, but were pressured by their families and even churches, perhaps indirectly, to “solve the problem.” Since the program went into operation, it has offered free pregnancy testing, counseling and pastoral care, adoption services, support of the new mother and baby with supplies and clothes, housing for needy mothers and post-abortion counseling.The program has just purchased a home where some of the young women can stay for a time, it’s called the Miriam House.

When Barb asked Justina whether the mother was sure about giving up the baby, Justina said yes, the mother’s family was calling the baby “an abomination” and said they would have nothing to do with it. This is the double-standard thinking that so afflicts many churches here and elsewhere, a form of pride focusing more on suppressing the visible results of sin even at the expense of causing more sin and suffering. It’s the same attitude that has caused so much damage in the area of HIV/AIDS. By God’s grace, the hard work of many dedicated people, and the willingness of many to be humbled rather than hidden, the situation on HIV/AIDS has changed in Jos and there is no markedly less stigma than in the past. It’s time to do the same with pregnancy and abortion and, as in HIV, one of the starting points is empowering girls and women, teaching them their worth as God sees them, and helping them learn how to say “no.” [Photo: Justina (left)]

Though I’m not particularly thrilled about having all the stress and strain of another baby for several months (it’s more Barb’s gift), it is truly awe-inspiring to realize that this is a precious little girl who might not have into this world except for the prayers and work of the Pro-Life program, which also depends on people like us who are willing to help for a little while. When our house-helper Sarah heard about the baby arriving she told Barb, “It makes me very happy, because this baby wasn’t just thrown away.”

We’ve named the baby Tina after three special women: Chaplain Justina who has really given everything for this ministry, fellow SIM missionary Christine Rothchild who is one of the counselors, and Dr. Tina Slusher, an American pediatric intensivist who gives up about half of each year to come to serve and teach doctors in Nigeria and other African countries. Baby Tina has been an “easy” baby so far, not too fussy, and the only problem has been that she’s not too interested in feeding. She seems to feel it makes more sense to wake up, cry, take a few sips, then go back to sleep. Barb is already pretty exhausted, though, since she not only has had Tina but quite a few extra commitments last week and this coming week at the end of the school year.